"Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass its about dancing in the rain."

the blob

i feel like the blob.

i just had chili w/ rice and i dont know how many points it was. grr. i start my day fine, then bullshit happens. hate it! hate it! hate it!

next week, i have no events or any thing special. i should do simply filling so it'll force me to not eat out.

and now i gotta find my really old camera. i can't make youtube videos cuz mine broke :(

going forward no matter what

i feel a little defeated because i stepped on the scale and it wasnt to my liking. plus yesterday i wanted to exercise yesterday and i didnt. instead i passed out on my bed after eating and eating and eating.

i've felt very sad since i came back from my vaca. probably because i just jumped right back into going to work and i had no time to get back to life really. my stuff is still at my bf's house. so i havent unpacked and my mind just feels a little hay wired and hectic. i wanna feel a little more grounded this week. so i'm happy it's friday.

i just need to force myself this weekend to exercise today and tomorrow. go to my meeting on sunday morning. take my weight as it is and move forward.

it's december. *sigh* 150 isnt looking like it'll come in 4 weeks. but that's because i can't see it. i can't visualize it because i'm constantly looking back when i should just remmeber that all i can do is go forward instead of wining about what i COULD have done.

anyhoo, my foods have basically been in check since tuesday. points wise. so i shouldnt freak out so much. but i just feel blah. and i need something to kick me out of it. and i bet you exercising would. so i'm going today. and cooking dinner today also. i havent cooked for myself in a while.

focusing on today

my whole body hurts from playing wii for like 3 hours yesterday. ugh. lol. plus its cold outside and i rather be in my bed under the covers. but i'm at work and it's pretty slow here today. they really should have given us the day off.

my eating this weekend was horrible. there were good attempts at eating healthy. like ordering tilapia instead a fatty mc fat fat meal but i still ate the bread and the wine and felt like throwing up from eating too big of a portion.

i wish i had a little person always with me saying, "PUT DOWN THE BREAD, NOW!". but alas, i don't. there's just me. so i have to learn to control myself. i've had such awesome control in the past. it feels like it is just slipping away.

so today i'm just focusing on today. and not what i'm eating tomorrow or anything. i'm focusing on the quality of food i put in my system today.

and i'm weighing in at home because i really rather go home than spend monday night in a meeting i dont wanna sit in. lol. (plus i forgot my monthly pass, oops) man, i have to find a regular meeting again. this is killing my ww buzz.

my back hurts

my back hurts and i feel very snacky. its gotta be coming...lol. i know the scales gonna reflect tomorrow. not sure if i can make the damn meeting tomorrow either way. because i made a promise to go check out this apt. damn. but where theres a will...if anything, ill check my weight in the morning @ home and go to a meeting on my lunch on tuesday. mondays are usually more busy so cant do that tomorrow.

i did fine this week besides my mishap last night with liqour and pizza. i even gym-ed 3 days. but whatever the scale says, i still feel pretty happy wih this body. :)

i wana get back into cooking and planning meals. this weeks goal! im cooking tomorrow! the only thing thatll stop me is if the period really does come and im wining in bed like a baby which is what i usually do on the first day. *sigh*

hello hello hello

i totally got thrown off track this weekend and didn't go to a weigh in. boo to me for not prioritizing my life.

but i'm going after work tonight to a 5:45 pm meeting right outside my job. if i like the leader i may make it a permanent change until i find out that my original leader is back. i may still also check out a weekend meeting next sat or sun. because i rather do ww more on my personal time and not during the work week. but we'll see what goes.

this weigh in may be a toss up. i ate well up until this saturday when i spend the weekend with my boyfriend and ate like a cow just because. lol. but i did try a new aerobics class and did the treadmill this week. so who knows. i'll see at 5:45. then a video tonight! yipee! :)

oops

oopsy oops. been neglecting this thing. i have had many food comas for the past 2 weeks. lots of self sabatoging. still maintaining. but learning every day that this is a process and i'm going through it. and still not giving up. i'm currently at 156.1 pounds. cant plan too much for the future. just the NOW. see ya next weigh in.