binging

what to do after a binge? i so don't wanna eat today. i wanna rid my body of all the toxins i've ingested! i really really hate this. so yesterday by 4 pm i had 3 points left for dinner. which is VERY dangerous for me. because then i usually plan to have 0 point soup or something but that never works out because i then don't feel satisfied and i do something to try and help me feel satisfied and it usually turns into some kind of binge.

it started out fine. i ate my tilapia fish for dinner and gave my self some wiggle room with weeklys and had butternut squash and a 2 point busicuit i had made. but during the night those buscuits became six buiscuits down the hatch!!! and i kept drinking from my boyfriends beer. so i get home feeling extremely gulity!!! i also felt a lot of anxiety. i was thinking of how much exercise i would have to do to burn all that shit off. so ofcourse at 1 am i was not happy with myself. what do i continue to do? EAT! wtf is wrong with me? so 2 (3 point) fiber one pastries, 2 (3 point) fiber one peanut butter bars (man, i'm full of fiber lol), milk, and a banana dipped in starwberry jam. i finally managaed to fall asleep at 6 am. mentally kicking myself. i calculated it this morning and i'm about 11 points OVER my weekly's. possibly more.

lord where do i go from here? do i try my best to eat healthy? do i do what i want to do and just not eat which i know is horrible? or do i push that binge aside and keep going, sticking to 22 points a day? i'm sooooo frustrated. i want this weight off but random spurts like this always derail me!

meeting but no weigh in

so i went to my meeting but decided not to weigh in. even though, that morning i stepped on my own scale and it said i lost a pound. i dont trust it. but whatever. but now i'm thinking maybe i shoulda weighed in and skipped next tuesday cause my period is due on the 8th. damn! lol. ah well, if i "gain" i'll know its because of my period cause i'm back on the ball.

so i was thinking maybe i should make some goals to re motivate myself. i think the whole month of may i had no loss. so sad. i dont like wasting money and that was 40 dollars of no weight loss. lol. so this june i'm determined to atleast end the month with a loss. itll be nice if i actually hit 150 (lord please get me there) but an over all loss for the month needs to be done.

they didnt say this weight loss thing was easy right? i mean, you want something. you can picture yourself at a certain weight and happy but why dont we continue to take the steps to get there? i think it all comes down to motivation. and in may a lot of motivation for basically everything in life was gone. but we have to re motivate ourselves. we need to tell ourselves that if we keep going we will get there. and i will get there!

miami vaca

if i havent gained 50 pounds this weekend, i will be shocked. lol. omg miami was CRAZZZZZY! i dont think there was one moment where i wasnt buzzzed as soon as we left the hotel room that first day. masses amounts of liqour! poor food choices. no counting points. but i wouldnt take it back for nothing. i had too much fun. but i'm contemplating on weigh in tomoorrow. i know i gained because i know what i did. so i figure i should go to the meeting and skip weigh in part because do i really need to know the complete damage? ha. i'm still seeing about it. its tomorrow so i'll decide by then. but anyway, good times. i needed that mini vaca.

but i'm back to normal eating today. it felt good to eat an apple. lol. my poor body is probably confused as to what i'm doing to it. lol.

weigh in 36

laziness is a crime. i'm not making a video. i just came back from the gym and i want dinner. whatever. i'll do it when i come back from miami. but um....

i weighed in today at 157. wtf? 2.2 gain? i mean i know i went a little over board but not that overboard. but i'm not sweating it. my clothes don't feel any different and my stomach is not a huge mess and sometimes that's how i measure my success. ha! u cant be sad every time you have a gain. you know what you eat, you know how much you move. so you just gotta roll with it. so my dream of boarding the plane at 152 is shot but that's fine. last time i was in miami i was pushing 190. so i'm happy to be going back a lot lighter.

anyhoo...so gained some...not that much of a surprise. and i'm just ready to be on the beach. i'm totally looking up strategies on staying on plan on vacation. i'm bringing lots of fiber one bars, bringing apple slices and saving all of my weeklys. i'm so excited!

weigh in 35....whew!

ok, so i went to weigh in today and it felt good to be back. i weighed in at 154.8. so 0.8 up from 2 weeks ago. but i dont think i was ever happy to see that much of a gain. the first day of my period (last thursday) i stepped on the scale and it said 159.something...so i was very bummed, but then i realized it may be period bloat and all. and it was!

but man, i feel like last week i was basically off of weight watchers. i mean, i tracked but i ate horribly! doughnuts, liqour, 3 am burgers. you woulda thought i relapsed. lol. so 0.8 is nothing to me! i was actually happy because i felt like today was a new start and a new re focus.

also, i booked a weekend trip to miami and i leave on the 29th of may. so i gave myself a lil mini goal to be 152 pounds the day that i board the plane. i know i can do it. i've done it before. but i also want to pass that number already! so i hve 10 days. and i'm totally on plan! its been a good eating day so far. :)

i'm gonna get back to my youtube-ing, next tuesday i think. i kind of enjoy not making a video of my weigh in....i was going to do it today, but i need to get to the gym. so one more week away wont hurt. anyhoo off to work my booty and get some abs for miami!

not going to weigh in

i feel a bit guilty that i'm doing this today but i think it has to be done. i have not missed one meeting since september. meaning, i've never missed a weight watchers meeting. i'm thinking should i go and not weigh in? but i really dont even feel like listening to advice.

i just want to be this week. i dont want to think about re-starting my diet. i want to just do. not plan. so i'm not going to my meeting today. i'm taking a much needed break from everything. i'm just focusing on cleaning out my room and extra room because i have to paint soon.

i'm eating well. i havent gone overboard. excercise is going well. i'm very soar. my period is also coming very soon so i dont feel like my weigh in would be accurate. and i'm very sensitive these days. the scale can prob make me not want to do anything for the rest of the day but cry and eat. i want this part of my life to be done with already. i'm not happy. but i hope i soon will be.

i'll weigh in next week for sure. wont fall too far off the bandwagon.

weigh in # 33 + impromptu social networking break

i weighed in at 154.0 yesterday. up 1.6 from last week.

i'm also taking an impromptu social networking break. i basically stopped all notifications from everything and deleted the apps for facebook twitter and you tube emails from my phone.

i think social networking sites are a fabulous tool....when used wisely. when you have so much free time like i do, they can sometimes become too much of your time. and i dont enjoy that. i've done this many times before. usually in the summer months. but i think i need atleast a week if not the whole month of may.

i dont think journal sites are social networking since i basically express myself in writing just as i would do on paper in my real journal. so i'm keeping these to blog my weight loss progress and keep up with life as i've been doing since the year 2002 when i started blogging.

anyway, i'm hoping to stay focused on my situations at hand and taking away extra distractions is exactly what i need to do. i dont really need notice of breaking, but i felt like saying it somewhere. even though, i basically read this and post my weight to keep me accountable. till next tuesday. i'm outie. :)